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Susan wanted me to listen to this song because she felt like it applied to my life so much.  When I started to listen I couldn’t help but to get emotional because it was something that I was probably choosing not to see or believe.  Then while listening to this song like 100 times, an unexpected thing happened.

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Yesterday during service at church, something unexpected happened.  God spoke to me again thru the song “How He Loves” .   He was able to use this one song to bring me, so far, 4 different message.  And this is the 3rd blog entry relating to this one song by John Mark McMillan.

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I think God is very wise for many different reasons.

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This is the third time that this song has managed to bring me a profound and impacting message into my life in the past 9 months. | continue reading |

One of the biggest misconception that people have about Christians is that, we as Christians don’t believe that tragic and heart breaking things will happen to us.  And that somehow that when these horrible circumstances hit our lives, we are able to have it not impact our lives, emotions, and hearts.  Well, I could tell you from my personal experiences that, that is just not true. | continue reading |

When I found out I was going to be “transitioned” out of my current position, after couple of days crying, I had sent out an email to friends and family about my situation.  Then someone forwarded me this site called Lemonade the movieIt really gave me the courage and hope that I really needed at the time.  I’m sure it was a way for God to reassure me that things were gonna be okay and that this was happening for a reason beyond my limited understanding.  I’ve been going thru a bit of an emotional and spiritual discovery in the past couple of weeks.  When I have some more time to spare, which I will in couple of weeks, I’ll definitely post more things about my process and progress.

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

Last week I got a loud message from God.  It happens.  Rarely.  But it happens.  And the message was “God is a jealous God.”  Then on my commute on Friday, I heard this song and had a breakdown.   Such powerful message and such a powerful song….

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Heard about this story about Jaycee Dugard Saturday morning in the comforts of bed.  As I was listening to the story being told in front of me, I couldn’t stop wondering what life was like for Jaycee and her 2 kids for the past 18 years.  For 18 years, she had missed out in so much of the real world and so much of life.  Not only that, she was living in conditions that most of us would be mortified by.

Then it made me question where God was in all this.  In the midst of this tragedy.  In the midst of someone’s life.  In the midst of such injustice.  He knows all, sees all, and is everywhere all the time.  So how can He let this happen?  How can he allow this to happen to someone? 

I just don’t have an answer.  I just don’t know.  Cause my little mind with my little understanding of who God is, I just can’t rationalize or grasp His ways in such situation.  I know that’s not good enough answer for most people and actually that’s not good enough answer for me either.  But I can’t try to understand God in these kind of situation when I am struggling with His place in my own life.

Many times, I am so self-absorbed in my little world with my worries and my life that I forget how blessed I really am.  Why do I refuse to see that most of the time?  So focused on all the things that He’s not doing in my life and so focused on things that I don’t have in my life, I can’t see the incredible things that He is doing and has given in my life.

 

Learned this song couple of weeks ago at the Metro retreat.   Probably one of the most powerful retreats I’ve been in really really really long time.  Then I couldn’t get this song out of my head.  I’ve been listening to it non-stop and the part that keeps repeating in my head is, “All of my life, in every season, You are still God, I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship.”

We are called to sing and worshp Him thru everything.  It doesn’t matter where we are in life, we are to worship Him.  But that is much easier said than done.  I am still wrestling with God and trying to make sense of the things that are happening in my life.  I don’t have all the answers.  Far from it.  Sometimes, it’s more confusing, conflicting, complicated because of my faith. 

Then I saw this video with Jill McClogrhy’s testimony and I felt so small.  This woman who clearly went thru so much more than I have, is able to sing and worship.  That’s reverance.  That’s strength.  That’s hope.  That’s faith.  Where is God in my life?  Where have I placed Him in my life?  Clearly not where He truly belongs.   Maybe that is why my brokenness and shattered dreams seem so much bigger than Him.   

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Last night, Gina, Alex, John and I attended the “this american life” live event.  I wasn’t sure what to expect but I had listened to my favorite TAL shows all day to emotionally and intellectually prepare myself for this event.  The event was pretty awesome.  IRA GLASSSSSSSSSSSS!  Soooo incredibly funny man and witty too.  How attractive/sexy is that really?  It was a funny, moving, thought-provoking, entertaining, and insightful as always.  I totally think it was worth the money, although I’m sure John would beg the differ. 

Here’s a total coinky dinkies about this event and John and I.  So, this event happened on 4/23, which is our 8th official anniversary.  And this show is being aired on 5/2, which is our 5th wedding anniversary.  Coincidence?  I clearly think NOT!

Anywho, here’s my top 10 favorite episodes of this american life.  These are not in any particular order.  I love them all!  After making this list, I realized how many episodes that I really love.  There are so many that I couldn’t put on this list that I LOVE.

  1. #268: My Experimental Phase – Curly Oxide!!!!!!  This is a classic.  I actually have a rabbit cut hanging in by my desk named “curly oxide”!
  2. #293: A Little Bit of Knowledge – This is the “modern jackass” episode.  Quesadilla = What’s the deal?  Unicorn isn’t real?  What about elves?  And the “Xing” signs?  So good!
  3. #61:Fiasco! – This episode has Jack Hitt, and the Car Talk guys.  Nuff said
  4. #306: Seemed Like A Good Idea at the Time – This whole epsiode is pretty fantastic.  But what still cracks me up is “let’s do it for the lottery”!  I still shout this out time to time to few friends and we still crack up.
  5. #147: A Teenager’s Guide to God – This was very interesting to me since I’ve been involved in the Youth group for years and years.  I thought it an interesting perspective on religion, youth and God.
  6. #339: Break-Up – This will have something for everyone, including any Phil Collins fans.  Really fantastic episode that I LOVE!
  7. #182: Cringe – I think this episode is so good because we all had a “cringe” moment.  All of us.  So we could totally empathize with these stories.
  8. #244: MacGyver – Nuff said!
  9. #288: Not What I meant –  I actually parked my car at the parking lot of Target for 20 mins so that I could finish this episode.
  10. #165: Americans in Paris – This American Life, Ira Glass, and David Sedaris.  Do I need to explain further? 

Sometimes people ask how I know with certainty that God exists. I know He exists cause I can say without a doubt in my mind that my entire life has been a testimony about Him and what He can do in your life. With that said. It’s not easy being a Christian. I think it’s one of the hardest things to be in life.

Recently, I have been struggling with where I am in life. I know my passion and dream isn’t to be the best “number” person, I know I don’t enjoy my job. I love my company and the people I work with and all the perks that comes from being part of such a great team, but in all honesty, I hate what I do.

Five years ago, soon after my wedding, I had a chance to leave my field. I took a year off. Tried to start a flower/event planning company. It didn’t work. And now I’m really longing to follow my passion/dream again and don’t know if I’d be willing and able to make the kind of sacrifices that it would mean for me to do so. I would have to leave my comfortable job, making decent money and basically jump into the unknown. Who wants to do that? Clearly, not me!

But I’ve been getting “signs” of sorts. Not to bore you with details but I’ve been getting signs. One of them was this book. I had visited my old Pastor, while I was visiting LA and I just recently received a book from him called “The Dream Giver.” What does this mean? I am more confused than ever….
 

 

Synopsis : Welcome to a little story about a very big idea. This compelling modern-day parable tells the story of Ordinary, who dares to leave the Land of Familiar to pursue his Big Dream. You, too, have been given a Big Dream. One that can change your life. One that the Dream Giver wants you to achieve. Does your Big Dream seem hopelessly out of reach? Are you waiting for something or someone to make your dream happen? Then you’re ready for The Dream Giver. Let Bruce Wilkinson show you how to rise above the ordinary, conquer your fears, and overcome the obstacles that keep you from living your Big Dream. You were made for this. Now it’s time to begin your journey.

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